Welcome to Middle Age

It's not every day that you turn 40. As a matter of fact, it's a once-in-a-lifetime event. But for me, it really wasn't a big deal. No party, no get-together with friends. It was just another day. And let's face it, when you have family like I do, that's all you need.

For starters, my Mommie Dearest continued our long tradition of bypassing the standard birthday cake routine. She made one of her incredible "birthday pies." It's an apple pie made with three different types of apples with slices of cheese melted in the middle. She even sprinkles a little sugar on the top crust so it gets crunchy. Damn. I think I just drooled on my keyboard thinking about it.



Not only that, but Mom also bought a silk iris plant for my office. I've always had an affinity for purple irises. A few years ago, mom quilted an iris wall-hanging which is hanging beside my desk. For mother's day recently, the girls bought a little silk iris which is on my desk beside my phone. Now, this full-size plant is perched in the corner. I need to get a stand for it.



Unfortunately, Beth made plans to spend the night with her friend, so she was gone. I was cool with it. I get 364 days a year with her, I can give up a night so she can have fun with her friend, right? Still, I hoped she'd at least least make me a card or something, right? Apparently not.

Since I knew I would be receiving a little bit of money from Dad and his girlfriend, I decided to use it to buy a new MP3 player. I decided to join the Mac Fanboys and got an iPod 80 GB. It's nice, but I sure do miss some of the features that I had on my Creative Zen (which Beth is going to be using now). The only reason I switched was simply because everything is "Made For Ipod." Hmmm, I wonder if I should buy a new car since a lot of them have iPod docks. :)



The one gift I really wanted was a drawing from Heather. I had asked her to draw a picture that was in Stephen King's "The Eyes of the Dragon." She said she would, but she got busy and kinda forgot about it. Oh well, that's okay.

Imagine my surprise when she came up around 10 o'clock at night and showed me what she had been locked away in her room working on. I love it.



After a wonderful, relaxing evening, I head off to bed.

Beth didn't forget, after all. This note was waiting for me. Man, she has a way with words.

Dying To Make My Girls Happy

Recently, my girls have become obsessed with wanting their hair to be dyed. We've been lightening Heather's dishwater-blond hair for a few years now, but suddenly, she wants to go burgundy, and her sister wants it, too.

Once they finally convinced me that it would be so cool to have burgundy "low lights" in their hair, I relented. Last night at midnight, I stuck a shower cap on each girl's head and started the slow process of pulling strands of hair through the cap with a crochet hook.



Over two hours later, we were finally ready for the dye. Yes, we really were dying hair at 2 o'clock in the morning. I'm just nuts that way.



After the final rinse, the girls ran to the bathroom to blow their locks dry and check out the new 'do.

Unfortunately, according to Heather, it was a "hair don't" rather than a "hair do." She was so upset because she couldn't see much of a difference at all. Well, yeah, it was supposed to be subtle. I thought it looked nice on both girls (forgot to take a picture of Beth), but admittedly, it should have had bigger streaks.



So, this morning, we did it all over again. Another 2 hours of crocheting my girls hair followed by more burgundy hair dye.

I could hear Heather's scream as she was drying her hair. This time, though, it was whoops of delight (at least in HER eyes). She thought it looked totally awesome. I thought it looked way, way too much. Beth's was just about right, but Heather's was just too goth. Heather, of course, was quick to point out that "nobody is goth, Mom. This is Emo." I stand corrected.

A few Emo pictures later, and here's what we've got.



Oh, and the underneath side of their hair is still natural, which is pretty funky when they bend over.

Better Stock Up On Red Bull

It's been a rough school year on my little Beth. As a sophomore, she's been working her little fingers to the bone trying to keep caught up on her classes this year and they've been pretty intense. She chose to bypass the easier classes and enrolled in Honors and Advanced Placement classes.

So, after being buried under mounds of books and research papers for the past 9 months, she's obviously planning on taking easier courses for her Junior year, right?

Umm, no. She's trying to take it up a notch.

She found out about a program that will allow a handful of high school juniors and seniors to attend classes at Kent State University while earning college credit and high school credit simultaneously. Yikes. She's been working her butt off trying to get in. Her grade point average is fine (3.888 - woo hoo!), but that's only one part of the selection process.

Unfortunately, she had to take the ACT test (similar to the SAT) while she had mono. The next week, she had to take the COMPASS test (another standardized college entrance exam). The mononucleosis bug still had her feeling like she was knocking on death's door, so obviously she was not on her best game.

But today, the postman brought the letter...she's been accepted!!



In the fall, my high school junior will also be a college freshman! Oh, and the very best part is that the program is 100% free. It's not based on income guidelines or student loans or anything. The state pays for the tuition and the books and everything. Woo hoo!



Now the problem is trying to figure out what she wants to do after graduation. I'm pushing for a broad nursing background because she can use that in a wide variety of careers, but she's not convinced. She's still trying to figure out her future. At 16, I guess that's pretty understandable.

It Must Be That Time of the Month

No frickin' way.

It cannot possibly have been a month since I last posted. What the hell?

Yeah, yeah. I have the excuse of "too much work" and "I was busy" and "the house needed cleaned" and anything else I can think of, but none of the excuses are valid. Sometimes, I sit here and think "Oh, I wanna post a new entry" but as soon as I click onto Firefox so I can write the entry...well, some stupid article on my Google homepage will interest me and off I go into Cyber Land.

Then, of course, so much time has gone by that I feel ridiculous posting an entry talking about Heather's Winter Formal, especially since we're halfway through spring.

As if that weren't enough, I find myself avoiding my blogging friends. I see that my favorite little nutcase in Los Angeles has (gasp!) 7 blog entries which I haven't even read yet. Why? Because I feel guilty reading her stuff when I don't take the time to do mine.

Also, after posting my last entry, a long, lost friend from AOL Journals wrote to me to say hi. I was beyond thrilled to get her email. I couldn't wait to write back. Just let me finish typing this one document and then I'll respond. I've typed probably a thousand documents since then and still haven't written. And now I feel guilty for leaving her hanging.

So ya know what? Tomorrow I'm going to ignore the doctor and his big dic. I'm going to bypass Google News (all the news that is too mediocre to print). And I'm gong to let the laundry wrinkle in the dryer long after it has buzzed. (Umm, well, admittedly, I ALWAYS do that, so I can't use that as an excuse.) Tomorrow, I write an entry. And if it has to do with a Winter Formal, we'll just pretend that the white fluffy stuff blowing in the breeze outside my window is snow rather than the pretty petals dropping from my cherry tree.

What's My Tagline?

Holy Crap! I've been Tagged!

Well, if Andi says to blog...then I must bloggeth (that's even in her vernacular!)

You’re feeling: Homicidal. My darling 16-year-old daughter has a boyfriend who seems to care a hell of a lot more for how his penis is feeling than for how his girlfriend is feeling. She's told me that she is not ready for sex, but she is convinced that if she doesn't have sex, she'll lose him. I'm feeling like it's just about time to get a pair of vice grips and make sure that he never wants to make that suggestion to her again.

To your left: An unfortunately empty wall. Usually, I have a quilted wall hanging of an iris there, but my Mommie Dearest is displaying it in the county Quilt Show at this very minute. This item is the one thing I would probably grab if the house ever caught on fire. Well, I might grab my kids, but only because they make such good tax deductions.

On your mind: Geez. I gotta clean my desk. Every time I sit here to type, I realize I should be cleaning instead. I swear, I'm gonna marry Mary Poppins one day so I never have to look at dust bunnies again.

Last meal included: Burger King has this new mega burger called the "Steakhouse Burger" and it's frickin' delish. It's so big that I actually left almost half of it uneaten (and for me, that's saying something). The meat is so good. It's not just your standard flame-broiled fare. It's got crispy edges and then they put these crispy fried onion crispies on top. I swear there was an audible sound of arteries clogging with every bite.

You sometimes find it hard to: Structure my time. Thus, the woeful lack of posts on this blog. I find myself eternally sidetracked during my workday, which means the "workday" turns into the "worknight" and I'm frequently still sitting at this blasted keyboard until after the beasties are in bed just so I can finally meet my quota.

The weather: After having a beautiful week of sun and 70 degree weather, alas, Beth's convertible top has once again been put up and the car is under a cover. Let's just hope it doesn't float away with all this rain.

Something you have a collection of: My collection of Stephen King first editions is extraordinary. Unfortunately, last year when I was suffering from Acute Empty Walletitis, I had to sell my prized book - a limited edition copy of Six Stories. I originally bought it for $125 and sold it on eBay for $600. Now that money is flowing a bit more evenly, I looked to see if I could snag a copy (only 900 copies were made), and sure 'nuff, eBay has three of them, ranging in price from $750 to $1,300. Looks like that little spot on my King bookcase will be staying empty.

A smell that cheers you up: Heather uses this awesome "Aussie Mega" shampoo and conditioner and when she gets her hair good and clean, I could follow her around like a puppy.

A smell that can ruin your mood: Cigarettes. Last year Ohio finally voted in a smoking ban and now I no longer have to hold my breath when entering restaurants, but unfortunately the ban only pertains to enclosed spaces which means all of the smokers are sucking on their cancer sticks just outside the door. Still, baby steps. Soon, all cigarettes will be gone. That's the only good thing that can be said of a Marlboro -- cancer cures smoking.

How long since you last shaved: Umm, can I plead the fifth? I actually took a picture of my overgrown legs to post on my blog, just haven't gotten the guts to do it, yet.

The current state of your hair: I'm about four months into the great "growing out my bangs" project. I'm at that funky stage where my face is just this huge pale mass of nothingness and I look longingly at every pair of scissors I see.

The largest item on your desk/workspace (not computer): Not one, but TWO baskets filled with furbabies. When I first bought this massive desk for my office, I thought I'd take one of Mom's Longaberger (i.e. "expensive") baskets and use it as an inbox. Well, it didn't take long for Harmony and Melody to claim it as their own (frequently together). Now that they are bigger, I've picked up another similar basket and now they each take their own.

Your skill with chopsticks: Fair to middlin. When I was in high school, I dated a guy (I know, can ya believe it?) who was rather worldly. He was born in India, his father owned a bank in Kuwait, he went to school in London...anyway, one day we went to one of those Japanese type of restaurants where they make the food in front of you. It was such a thrill, he decided to introduce me to all sorts of different restaurants. One night before going to an authentic Chinese restaurant, he brought home some chopsticks and taught me how to use them. I remember using sunflower seeds (first in the shell, then just the bitty seeds) to practice. Fun!

Which section do you head for first in a bookstore: I'm a thrill seeker in the library if not in real life. I love the mysteries and thrillers. Ironically, even though I love Stephen King, I am not a horrror fan.

Something you’re craving: Mmm. cookies.

Your general thoughts on the presidential race: The best thing that ever happened to the Democratic Party was having Monkey Boy in the White House fucking up the country for the past 8 years. He's turned many staunch Republicans into Democrats.

Favorite place to go for a quiet moment: That would be "the library" in my house. Also known as the bathroom. I've got more reading material in the bathroom than I do anywhere else.

You’ve always secretly thought you’d be a good: When I was young, I thought I would totally rock as a teacher. I remember playing school as a kid and creating these elaborate lesson plans and making up grade books. Then, I had children and decided that when my own kids were rotten, it took every ounce of restraint not to throttle them. How would I deal with other folks' juvenile delinquents?

Something that freaks you out a little: The onslaught of Guatemalans who have moved into my small town. Ten years ago, there was about a 0.5% population of Guatemalans. Now, it is over 15%. Virtually none of them speak English. None have drivers licenses (but they all drive - without benefit of the knowledge of Ohio's traffic laws, nor the insurance necessary when their ignorance wreaks havoc on the other drivers on the road). They get someone to rent a house and they fill it with 20 people for a 3 bedroom house. I spent most of my life thinking I was not a prejudiced person, but now, I absolutely cannot stand how my lovely town has deteriorated because of these people who make up their own rules and won't abide by ours.

Something you’ve eaten too much of lately: Hershey Kisses. I've got a little stash of 'em in my desk drawer and I let them melt in my mouth while working. So far, my favorite are the "cheesecake" flavor, but the "chocolate covered cherry" flavor are pretty damn tasty, too.

You have never: Tried any illegal drugs. It's hard to believe in this day and age, but it's true. I'm afraid that if I tried something and liked it, I'd be hooked immediately. Let's face it, just based on my eating habits, obviously I don't know how to quit.

You never want to: Put on a bra. I swear the inventor of the brassiere was the same massochocistic man who invented Stilletto heels.

Have a Berry Happy Birthday, Heather!

Fifteen years. Can ya believe it? I've actually let my daughter live to see her fifteenth birthday.

And, of course, the very best part about birthdays is that we all get to eat cake. Boy, did I do it up right this time. I knew I didn't have time to run to the store for anything, so I hoped we still had that box of cake mix in the cupboard.

Yepper. Lemon. Yummy.

Drat, no frosting. What is a cake without the coma-inducing sweetness of frosting? Oh wait, I've seen Bundt cakes with just a sprinkling of powdered sugar. That'll work.

Damn. That's gonna be a pretty boring cake. Hopefully Heather won't mind.

Wait a minute...the lightbulb above my head just flickered on and I remembered we had a small bag of frozen berries in the freezer. That'll perk up this boring cake.

Oooh! And let's add a drizzle of...

Hmmm. What can we drizzle on the cake to make the berries stick?

Pudding!



This was not only the prettiest cake I've ever made, it was damn near the best tasting, too. YUM!



Oh, and Heather's hair? That rat's nest is compliments from her ride home from Play Practice in Beth's convertible.

Silly Rabbit, Trix Are For Kids!

It's a grand tradition in my household to try to out-trick each other on April first.

This year, I won.

You see, I'm a geek. A nerd. An gadget guru.

I'm also sneaky.

There is this handy little feature that is employed via Microsoft Word called "auto correct" which lets you type an abbreviation and have the entire phrase typed out (for instance, I could set it so it would type "still MT Headed" every time I typed "smth" if I chose).

I recently discovered that these same "auto correct" entries also work in Microsoft Outlook, which is the email program we all use.

So, sneaky little DiAnne decided to change Mom's Outlook entries so that every time she typed the words "the" or "and" or "I" it would spit out a lovely little message from me.

The email on the left is what it SHOULD have looked like. The email on the right is what showed up. She was quite confused, to say the least.




Can you imagine doing this to everyone in your entire office? Mwahhahaha!! I'm evil, I tell ya!